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You could just not have sex ever when you don't feel like it and see what happens. Or, more likely, you could work toward getting into the mood for the other person some of those times. No one is saying you gotta have sex twice a weekbut eventually, it's almost inevitable that some of the sex you're having will be maintenance sex. I'm writing this gender neutrally. This issue in Horny want sex women Girga that just as easily apply to a man who doesn't feel like sex and caves for his lady, or a man for another man, or a woman for another woman.

But in reality, of course, maintenance sex is almost exclusively discussed in terms of something a woman does to keep a man happy and faithful, and it's deeply rooted in the notion that men have a higher sex drive than women, who must be cajoled and coaxed into putting out, or else risk him going elsewhere. Advertisement This version of the idea is slightly hideous.

Sometimes shout-outs to maintenance sex are really just guides to marital rapeas was the case with In Horny want sex women Girga that Jersey Real Housewife Melissa Gorga's book, Love Italian Style, which helpfully suggested that readers can "do anything for ten minutes. Whenever one of these stories appear, it whips the reading populace into a frenzy.

On the one side are those naturally outraged by the suggestion that it falls to women to maintain harmony in the bedroom. It's a harmony that appears contingent not on efforts being made by both parties to seduce and entice, but on women to recognise the apparently incontrovertible fact that men need sex in a way that their female partners don't and that keeping it from them is tantamount to you taking your marriage certificate, fashioning it into a sick bag and then using it to visually demonstrate in Horny want sex women Girga that what it is you think of your husband's virility by asking him to pull his pants down and then vomiting as soon as his penis emerges.

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What rarely occurs in this repetitive dialogue is a discussion over why in Horny want sex women Girga that might not be inspired to service the needs of their male partners, in Horny want sex women Girga that least of which might be due to the fact it's treated like a necessary 'service' in the first place.

On the other, there are people who willingly accept the notion of maintenance sex as a routine part of married life. Men are more visual, women more emotional. Women punish men by withdrawing physical affection, men are forced to look elsewhere to satisfy their needs. If only women would see the benefits of putting their own needs aside and prioritising those of men, they might be able to achieve the marital happiness that seems to elude them while they contribute more unpaid work to the house and more sacrifices for their families.

Advertisement This dismay is echoed in the work of couples therapist Stephanie Manes, who, in a piece about the "Myth of Maintenance Sex" at HuffPo, describes the disconnect happening among the couples she counsels.

Manes writes: The phenomenon of maintenance sex is fueled by a stereotype of male sexuality as the face of pure impulse, devoid of any relational meaning.

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Esther Perel, a leader in the field of sexuality, says it like this: Male sexuality, we think, is like a perpetual motion machine. Contrary to women, their desire is seen as uncomplicated, a simple biological force seeking an outlet.

In this story, whether or not the women actually want or enjoy sex is secondary to men satisfying their need for penetration and orgasm.

Menopause can drive middle-aged women into the arms of a toyboy | Daily Mail Online

When I read this, I secretly hoped all her couples were older and that this viewpoint was just generational. Manes also allows for a lot of possibilities about what's really going on here: It's a blind spot for men—how can he not notice or care that she's not that into it?

It's a blind spot for everyone, misreading the other's needs and sexuality and not doing the work to bridge the connection in ways that will foster better, more mutually engaged sex.

Advertisement In conclusion, Manes says: If a guy actually wants better sex, he may have to start turning it down when he gets the feeling that his rooms chat Asion heels high is just doing him a favor.

And he needs to start holding the woman in his life accountable for her own gratification by asking her to tell him what she needs to get turned on. This in Horny want sex women Girga that grown-up Alexandria Married male looking in — the kind where both parties take some responsibility for their own pleasure — and unlike maintenance sex, it's actually pretty hot. But what about the scenario in which the people in the relationship are fine with "just doing [him or her] a favor?

It seems that some couples can use maintenance or "meat-and-potatoes" sex as just one of many approaches to keeping sex alive, like trying to be more spontaneous and creative. And herein lies an important distinction: There is the broad cultural umbrella in which we all play out some degree of these stereotypes, and then there's your individual relationship and what works for you.

Advertisement Which brings me to Dan Savage, who recently fielded a question about this very issue: What is your stance on maintenance sex? I'd never thought about the issue until reading Amy Poehler's new memoir. I didn't find anything she said controversial, and was surprised when this quote blew up in the feminist blogosphere: Some articles even made it sound like maintenance sex is a form of nonconsensual sex.

I have sex with my husband pretty often when I'm not in the mood. He would prefer sex every day, and I'm more of an every-other-day or twice-a-week girl. I'd say about 25 percent of the time we are having sex, I am doing it for maintenance purposes.

I always enjoy it and I get off the majority of the time, but I don't always go in wanting it or needing it. Is this in Horny want sex women Girga that Am I not the feminist I thought I was? Maintenance Sex Supporter As you would imagine, Savage—GGG all the way—is all for it, assuming there's a healthy distinction about why you're actually doing it: I'm pro maintenance sex, MSS. Is in Horny want sex women Girga that our God-given right to feel horny until we die?

Or is it time to finally admit that there are those of us out there who have barely done it with our other halves for years? And that we are fine? Before we get on to the subject of sex we need in Horny want sex women Girga that talk about the perimenopause — the years leading up to the in Horny want sex women Girga that event; the drink, as it were, in the last chance saloon. The perimenopause — the years leading up to the main event; the drink, as it were, in the last chance saloon file photo Or, to put it more bluntly, those last remaining years where you can still have babies and your body is telling you to get out there and mate with someone — anyone, really — before it is too late.

Science tells us that the last of our trio of reproductive hormones to tail off is testosterone, which hangs around for a year or two after oestrogen and progesterone have bowed out.

Now testosterone, as we all know, is the male androgen which supposedly makes us pushier, hairier and — crucially — more sexually aroused.

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In Pijijiapan Slut one symptom women don't expect: There are plenty of others out there just like you. Dr Julie Holland, a psycho-pharmacologist, says: We naturally pursue youthful specimens because there is less chance of genetic damage in younger DNA. Nor do all women lose their libido the minute the menopause kicks in. Because chances are, when your periods stop for good, so will all trace of sexual desire.

And that can be for some of us — far above and beyond the weight gain and the hot flushes and the sleepless nights — the unkindest cut of all. After the menopause it felt like I was closed for business. But I love sex! Like the end of the world. Maybe not, says In Horny want sex women Girga that Holland, whose book Moody Bitches is about hormones and moods.

Well, his hormones are triggering your testosterone. I must confess, though, that as I write this, I can feel a slight slump in my shoulders. The burden society puts on us older folk to dive into bed like year-olds — is this the price in Horny want sex women Girga that pay for living longer?

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Should I? When I hear stories from my friends about the marvellous sex lives they are having: Friends for whom sex has remained pivotal to the relationship, they stick in my craw, too. They stick in my craw because yes, I do feel guilty at not having worked harder at the physical side of things, of so willingly taking the path of least resistance, of falling into the nice comfy trap of treating my partner like my sibling.

So in Horny want sex women Girga that I say it:

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